Baby's First (and hopefully only) Surgery

Leo is sleeping, Tom is putting together some dinner and I am feeling an overwhelming sense of relief. All the anticipation and worry is behind me. The difficult day and the worst of it is over. This moment here, with my baby home and almost back to normal and no more bad stuff on the horizon...this is the best moment.

I won't lie, it was a hard day. With the anaesthesiologist's approval, I was up at 2am to nurse Leo. He had no trouble falling back to sleep; I, on the other hand, did a little tossing and turning. A few hours later we were up and out the door. We arrived right on time and they took all three of us back very quickly. We got a special room with cartoons playing on the TV and stuffed animals on the gurney. We answered questions, asked some questions and kept Leo entertained while the prep took place. He only asked to nurse once and just as I was telling him no, the nurse walked in with the baby Valium and that solved the problem. Leo felt the effects pretty quick and was a mix between groggy and giggly. More or less, drunk. I just held him close and he looked up periodically to make sure it was me. Before I knew it, the nurse came to take him back to the OR. I waited until he was around the corner to burst into tears. I think they get a lot of mom criers because the nurses were sympathetic but unfazed. There was a large screen in the waiting room that reported each patient's status. Almost an exact hour after his procedure began, he was listed as done. The doctor came out and said it went perfectly, he would see us next week and someone would take us back shortly. That part was the longest wait for me. I knew he was back there waking up disoriented from the anaesthesia, crying and without his mama. After about 10 minutes, we were walked back to see our pathetic little boy stretched out in the hospital crib. He was doing fine. The nurse told me he had been sleepy, but she said, "Leo if you open your eyes, I'll let you see your mommy" and his eyes popped open. I don't know if that is true, but I'd like to think so. We were in recovery for about an hour. That part was tough too. He was so groggy and irritated by his IV. He didn't ask to nurse, but when I asked he nodded enthusiastically. Once the prescription was called in and everything was in order we were allowed to go home. What a great feeling. The drive must of helped clear Leo's head since he was alert when we got home. He cuddled on my lap and ate some snacks. Before too long, I put him down for a nap, and Tom and I rested too. Leo woke up cranky, but after a dose of Motrin, a snack (or two) and some truck photos, he was ready to run around. I wasn't quite ready for it, but the doctor said there were no restrictions and Leo would only do what he felt like doing. We played, took a little walk outside and had a very normal evening. Really, just like any other evening (except a little chocolate pudding for dessert because he deserved it).

Thanks for everyone's good thoughts and well wishes. The day went just about as smooth as it could. And like I said, my sense of relief is euphoric.

Here's a little slideshow of today

All is well

We're home and Leo was the champ I knew he would be. It was an emotional morning for me but both my men were very composed and that helped a lot. Leo seems to be feeling good with some frozen peas in his diaper and a lot of attention from mom and dad.

We took a few pictures that I will try to post later today or tomorrow. I'm so glad the hardest part is over and now I can just cuddle my boy back to his full strength.

Feeling anxious

Let's start with some pictures from yesterday. Another beautiful day, so the family headed to a local park that has a nice play area, a duck pond and lots of parties barbecuing (which smelled divine and took all my willpower not to waddle up to some strangers and ask for a rib).

Tom chatting on the phone while Leo encourages him to play in the sand instead.
"Come on, daddy. Play with me."


Those are shorts he's wearing, but clearly he needs to grow into them a bit. And he's got on his summer sandals that I thought would be perfect, but apparently he hates the way it feels when sand gets in them and so I have to take remove them to brush off his feet...a lot.

So the title of this post is "feeling anxious", but really, that's an understatement. Surgery is less than 48 hours away. (If you aren't up on the situation, you can read about it here.) As the date has approached, I've tried not to obsess too much, but with it so close it is really taking over my thoughts. I'm just worried...worried about what can go wrong, worried about my baby being in pain, worried about Leo having to fast. It's going to be really difficult in the morning to wake him up early and get him out of the house without letting him nurse. Breastfeeding has started every day of his life thus far and though I know he will survive, it will break my heart to tell him no. The thing is, as much as I'm consumed by this, I feel guilty for making a big deal out of it (though it is mostly only in my own mind, I've tried not to burden my friends and loved ones). I know there are parents with sick kids that have to do this all the time. And like super scary surgery on tiny brains and hearts and stuff. But see, this is my kid, this is his surgery and it is big in our world. Well, my world. I know Leo is going to come through like a champ and be running around like nothing happened before I know it. Tom, being the logical, rational person he is, focuses on how this is a routine, minor procedure. Sure he's concerned, but he takes it in stride. It's why I love him and why he drives me crazy. But I need that steadiness to balance out how crazed I feel about the whole thing.
I probably won't post tomorrow because I'll be a bundle of nerves and no one needs to be subjected to that. I will post as soon as I can on Tuesday to let everyone know how it went. Some of my wonderful friends from my moms' group have offered to bring us dinner or whatever we need. I don't think we'll need anything, so I'll probably ask that they hold off and help when number two arrives. Number two, by the way, is a big kicker already. My ribs are in trouble.

A couple more egg hunt pictures

My friend Jenn took these cute picture of Leo yesterday.

Easter Egg Hunt

I realize Easter is a couple weeks away, but for some reason, my moms' group likes to do things early. So off to the park we went with our plastic eggs. It was a beautiful day for it - 75 and sunny.

Here he is waiting for the other kids to arrive with his cute bunny ears (thanks, Auntie Sheila).
Done wearing the ears and ready to play in the park.
We herded the kids to the playground while a couple moms hung back to scatter the eggs in the grass. There was no real hiding since these kids are too young for sophisticated egg searching.
Leo never really got the hang of it. He picked up eggs, but put them back down again instead of putting them in his bag.
Sophia tried to show him how it's done.
Still not really getting it but looking cute.
The kids check out their loot. Leo didn't have much of a score, but he didn't care.

He was able to mooch treats off the other moms with his good looks and charm.
Yum.

His mood has improved since Monday. Still a little fussy and this morning he was grinding his teeth so I think those molars are still bothering him. Overall he's doing well. The past three afternoons he's babbled in his crib instead of taking an afternoon nap. He's very happy in there even though he isn't sleeping. I think he may be making the transition to one nap a day, but I'm not going to make any drastic changes right yet since surgery day (Tuesday) will throw everything off anyway.

Yesterday he was a really good sport and accompanied me to school so I could turn in my grades. I rewarded him with a trip to the park across the street from campus. We were approached by a group of young people who asked if they could film Leo for their music video. Apparently, they were working on a class final for a Humanities course. I'm a sucker for students from my college (just ask the DeAnza nursing student that witnessed every gory detail of my labor) and let them take some footage. Here's a link to the final product. The video is strange, annoying and a little charming in that student video kind of way. Leo appears at the 49 second mark and the 2:15 mark. Blink and you'll miss him. Survive the video and you deserve all the eggs in the bunny's basket.

I will survive...

Today was the kind of day I'd like to forget. But I'm going to document it because down the road, when I have another terrible day, I can look back and see I survived once before and I'll make it again.

Let me start by saying that I've been looking forward to this day for a long time. March 23rd has stood out in my mind because it was my last day of class. I've enjoyed my students and teaching this course, but I hate having to get up every day and get out the door for my morning class. I know working mothers do it all the time, but the beauty of being a part-time college instructor is having an easier work schedule (next quarter I go just twice a week, mid-day). When I heard Leo stirring before 6am, I should have known I was in for trouble. He started out very cuddling and was happy to sit on my lap and look at truck pictures on my computer. But then things when down hill, fast. Everything seemed to spark a tantrum - screaming, crying and even some hitting. By the time Tom was up and out of the shower, I had already been reduced to tears and wasn't sure how much more I could take. Somehow I managed to get ready and get him down for a nap. I warned the sitter as I rushed out the door, pretty happy to escape to the peace of my car. When I got home, Sheila (the sitter) said that indeed, Leo was moody. He's usually really good for her (or anyone who's not me, actually). As Sheila walked away from the house, I almost ran after her and offered her all the money in my bank account to stay instead of me. I probably should have, but that's not what parenting is about. It's about the good, the bad and the ugly. And there was more ugly to witness. I did my best to minimize the meltdowns. I let him have a banana for lunch (I snuck some peanut butter on it for a little protein). He decided he wanted to walk around with a cherry tomato, which I allowed even though I knew he wouldn't actually eat it (he's just puts it to his lips occasionally) and I'd find it later, most likely squished under my bare foot. At 1:30 I busted out the Tylenol and his favorite book in the world, which is reserved for emergencies (like illness, teething and, next week, surgery). At 2pm, he went down for his usually nap and I curled up in my own bed, traumatized and exhausted. He took a great nap and woke up to a card from Nana with cool Easter stickers inside. His mood was improved and we survived the rest of the evening. I made one of his favorite dinners and even got him to eat some sweet potatoes. He always loves taking a bath, so that cheered him up and soon after that, daddy came home, which was wonderful for both of us. Needless to say, we did not make another attempt at drinking milk.

So why was he so miserable? I'm 95% sure it is the molars. I've heard horror stories about the arrival of molars, but since his night sleep hasn't been affected, I thought we were somehow going to be spared. His poor little mouth looks pretty damn painful. And that's what is extra tough about a day like today. His behavior made me miserable, but he's only behaving that way because he's really miserable. Heartbreaking and crazy-making all at the same time. But tonight, when I was putting him to bed, he gave me lots of kisses and hugs and as I walked out of the room and down the hall he said "bye-bye", followed by "I said bye" a couple of times.

So here's a little video of the beast in rare form. Warning: If you are considering procreating or are currently pregnant, you may not want to watch. It's toddler terror at its finest.

Battles

Leo is quite a little character. I'm sure I've said that a thousand times before, but he really is. It's exhausting taking care of him, but very rewarding since he is so entertaining. He has very strong preferences and makes them known. He shakes his head yes and no and sometimes says no. Right now, he loves to watch the truck slide show on myconstructionphotos.com. I'm not as big of a fan, but it makes him happy, so I'm not going to deny him. You've got to pick your battles...
Which leads me to food. My mom likes to say "food looms large in our lives." No truer statement has ever been uttered when it comes to a house with a toddler and a pregnant woman. This morning I gave into my donut craving, which was delicious and promptly made me feel quite ill. For the most part, I've been trying to eat healthy, but it isn't easy when I don't have the time to prepare myself something well-balanced. I'm often just shoving the rest of Leo's PB & J in my mouth as we rush off somewhere. It is also impossible to eat anything in front of Leo that you aren't willing to share. He must have whatever you are having even if he ends up spitting it back out. Overall, he's a good eater and I don't have too many complaints. I try to minimize the battles and frustration by taking it one meal at a time. Sometimes a meal goes great, sometimes it doesn't. But there is always another meal, another day, another chance to sneak in some vegetables. This kid could live on fruit and bread and be very happy. We try to give him a little more diverse diet, but he's not always game. I'm glad I'm still nursing, because when all else fails, I know he's getting what he needs from the breast milk and that gives us peace of mind. Though, he's beginning to nurse less (whether it's because of the pregnancy or him just getting older, I'm not sure), so I need to introduce cow's milk. So far that has been a total bust. But, like I said, tomorrow is a new day and another chance to win the battle.

He's still very much in his helper stage. He loves to be handed a paper towel and walk around wiping down all the surfaces (including Tom and me). Throwing away trash is another favorite.

Here he is helping Tom with some gardening.

California Kids Sport Center

My moms group managed to book a local kids' gym for a session just for our group. I'd heard good things about the place and I looked forward to taking Leo.

We fueled up on some hearty lunch before we left - egg, ham and cheese burritos - which he really enjoyed. I think everything is more interesting and delicious when it is wrapped in tin foil.
When we were allowed in all the kids scattered, overwhelmed by all the potential fun. Leo really liked the squishy mats.
Isn't that little girl standing next to Leo cute? A little later she whacked Leo with a hoola hoop and when Leo started bawling, her mom said, "aw, is it close to his nap time?" Uh, no...your little terror just abused his head and he didn't like it.
Leo was timid on the trampoline the first few tries, but he really enjoyed it towards the end. All the girls were so nice to wait patiently for their turns.
The foam pit was a source of great joy and a healthy dose of panic.

Every good gym session ends with parachute time.
Leo was a little timid about the whole thing but he was a good sport.
Here's a little video of him experiencing the pit.



Overall, it was a great time. Leo's squeals of delight were echoing throughout the place. I thought for sure Leo would crash when we got home and take the ultimate afternoon nap (and I planned to snooze a little too). Unfortunately, he decided he would rather lay awake in his crib saying "owie" and "bye-bye" over and over for an hour.

Our Sunny Baby, Part Deux

Yep. That's baby number two. Pretty cute, huh?

Here he/she is posing for a close up. The above two shots are from a 12 week ultrasound.

Below is from nine weeks. Both times the little one appeared on screen, he/she was very active with a strong heart beat.
Let me answer the common questions:
Due date? September 1st, but I think he/she will be a little early like big brother.
Gender? We'll find out on April 7th if the baby cooperates. Though it would be fun to keep it a surprise, we really need to cut the name conversation in half.
How are you feeling? Honestly, it was a rough first trimester. I'm definitely feeling better but still am having a lot of headaches and could take a nap at any moment....zzzzzz....just kidding.
Are you excited? We are very excited and extremely nervous. Everyone tells us two is a whole new ballgame and I don't doubt it. I'm pretty confident we'll figure it out. We've done a decent job so far.
What does Leo think? Right now, he's blissfully unaware how much his world will change. I show him lots of pictures of babies and he does really well when I hold my friend's newborn. We plan to get him a "I'm a Big Brother" book so we can get him use to the idea.
Sleeping arrangements? What is now our office will become Leo's room and the new baby will have the nursery. I'd like to set up a "big boy bed" in Leo's new room sometime during the summer and make it a very appealing proposition. But since the new baby will be in our room for the first three months or so, if Leo doesn't take to the new digs right away, that's okay.
Do you need anything? Nope, just lots of good thoughts for a smooth pregnancy, an easy delivery and a healthy baby.

Risky Business

Ikea

I usually avoid Ikea like the plague. It is so crowded and somewhat confusing, but there is a lot of great kid stuff, like fun toys and BPA-free bowls and utensils. My friends assured me it is a very different experience on a weekday and we joked should have a playdate there. Well, today we went ahead and did it. It turned out to be a great time. We had lunch in the cafe (I ordered Leo the kiddie mac and cheese, but he preferred my french fries), and then we cruised the aisles scoring great deals on essentials like finger puppets and sand toys. My main objective was to acquire another stuffed rat (I actually got two), since that is Leo special buddy and I have deep fears about losing it some where.

Here he is having a bite of my frozen yogurt on the way out. So cold, but so tasty.
The best score of the day was the easel. Leo loves stickers and now he has a place to stick them (instead of the dishwasher or my old computer which were the previous locations). It's a little big for him still, but he likes putting all the stickers on top of each other in the same spot so it's not really a problem.

Here he is placing his stickers with enthusiasm.



And here he is getting the rag doll treatment from Tom.

Finally...

some nice weather! We were able to head out to the park for our usual Wednesday playdate and soak up some sun.

Staying hydrated is important.
Jenn was very popular because she was handing out the snacks. They gather like pigeons at the sight of some food.
This blog post was brought to you on my new (used) computer. Thanks, Tom! The old one was on its last...well, laptops don't have legs, and mine didn't have a 6 or a "L" key. Farewell, my old machine. You served me well. Now you are covered with stickers and will be responsibly disposed of just as soon as I find a ecological recycling place.

Spring forward

Well, I said I'd be a better blogger, but I really haven't been, have I? Honestly, not much has been happening. Last week it rained every single day, messing with our playdates and causing general stir-craziness. Wednesday, we had the usual park playdate at our house. With six toddlers in the house, I wasn't able to take any pictures, but we all had fun.

Yesterday we drove up to San Rafael to visit with some friends and their kids. Here he is listening in on a story read by Julie. Checking out all of Jacob's cool toys while Bennett investigates the slide.

Here he is being his adorable self. He was so well behaved the whole time. There are always issues with sharing when you get a bunch of kids together, but Leo really just rolls with it (and sometimes gets pushed down, which pisses off his momma).

When we started the drive home, Tom and I sat in the front and told Leo "we're going home." He repeated "go" a few times and then said, "I said go." It is so funny that he only has a handful of words, but he busts out with complete sentences. He started doing it earlier this week and it took a few times for me to realize what he was saying, but he often tells me "I said (go, bye, daddy)". He also says "I did it" when he's accomplished a task. He also is saying "baba" instead of mama, but hell, I'll take it. Right now he's very into helping - pulling washcloths out of the drawer at bath time, putting dirty (and sometimes clean) clothes in the hamper, throwing stuff in the trash can. He's great at following directions (like going to his room when I need to change his diaper or bringing some item of Tom's to him), but I know it won't last for long. Tom and I are constantly marveling at how much Leo has turned into a little person. A really awesome little person.