Feeling anxious

Let's start with some pictures from yesterday. Another beautiful day, so the family headed to a local park that has a nice play area, a duck pond and lots of parties barbecuing (which smelled divine and took all my willpower not to waddle up to some strangers and ask for a rib).

Tom chatting on the phone while Leo encourages him to play in the sand instead.
"Come on, daddy. Play with me."


Those are shorts he's wearing, but clearly he needs to grow into them a bit. And he's got on his summer sandals that I thought would be perfect, but apparently he hates the way it feels when sand gets in them and so I have to take remove them to brush off his feet...a lot.

So the title of this post is "feeling anxious", but really, that's an understatement. Surgery is less than 48 hours away. (If you aren't up on the situation, you can read about it here.) As the date has approached, I've tried not to obsess too much, but with it so close it is really taking over my thoughts. I'm just worried...worried about what can go wrong, worried about my baby being in pain, worried about Leo having to fast. It's going to be really difficult in the morning to wake him up early and get him out of the house without letting him nurse. Breastfeeding has started every day of his life thus far and though I know he will survive, it will break my heart to tell him no. The thing is, as much as I'm consumed by this, I feel guilty for making a big deal out of it (though it is mostly only in my own mind, I've tried not to burden my friends and loved ones). I know there are parents with sick kids that have to do this all the time. And like super scary surgery on tiny brains and hearts and stuff. But see, this is my kid, this is his surgery and it is big in our world. Well, my world. I know Leo is going to come through like a champ and be running around like nothing happened before I know it. Tom, being the logical, rational person he is, focuses on how this is a routine, minor procedure. Sure he's concerned, but he takes it in stride. It's why I love him and why he drives me crazy. But I need that steadiness to balance out how crazed I feel about the whole thing.
I probably won't post tomorrow because I'll be a bundle of nerves and no one needs to be subjected to that. I will post as soon as I can on Tuesday to let everyone know how it went. Some of my wonderful friends from my moms' group have offered to bring us dinner or whatever we need. I don't think we'll need anything, so I'll probably ask that they hold off and help when number two arrives. Number two, by the way, is a big kicker already. My ribs are in trouble.